Special to The Patriot
From left, Julia Simmons, TSgt. Mark Simmons and Tucker Simmons pause for a family picture. Simmons has been on multiple deployments in the war on terror, and his two children have had to adjust often to a life without him.
The global war on terror is something that hits home with many families as they cope with absent parents doing their duty in the Middle East.
TSgt. Mark Simmons of the Georgia Air National Guard is one who has been doing his duty here and abroad, and he’s currently deployed – again – to southwest Asia. Simmons has gone overseas quite a few times since 2001, said wife Joy Simmons, and sometimes it can be rough on the children, 15-year-old Tucker and 12-year-old Julia.
They’re not alone, according to the Department of Defense, which states more than 30,000 teens between 12 and 18 years old have at least one parent in the National Guard deployed to Iraq or Afghanistan.
“He’s gone sporadically, though not for long durations of time,” said Joy. “He’s pretty much on call; he’s there for purposes of support and does rotations.” Mark’s deployments can last any time between one week and up to three months, she added.
Tucker and Julia have grown up with their father being absent sometimes for birthdays, holidays or family events, and while they take it in stride there’s a sadness mixed with pride about their father’s movements.
“We’ve been doing this a long time, him being away from home,” said Tucker, “but I do miss him in everything and I’m still not used to him being away for long periods of time.”
Tucker is basically the man of the house when Mark is away, and picks up chores such as general maintenance on the car. At times there are some emergencies to deal with.
“One night the tank in the toilet broke,” said Joy.
“It was like, there was water all over the floor!” chimed in Julia.
Tucker remained calm and simply turned off the water valve, Joy continued. “I went through about 12 towels that night mopping it up.”
Julia, who has just turned 12, said she naturally misses her father when he’s away.
“When he’s gone I miss him a lot and I’m sad, but then I think he wouldn’t want to see me that way, he would want me to be strong,” she said. “So I do my chores like feed the dogs and walk them. I help him make dinner when he’s home, and we made a cake together a couple of weeks ago.”
Before he left late last month, Joy said, Mark gave Julia a special book, “Knowing God for Girls.”
Tucker takes his role as man of the house seriously, she said.
“When stress brings on migraine headaches, Tucker is very sweet to bring me ice packs, screen phone calls for me and essentially take over the basics,” she said. “He is protective when he knows I’m off my game.”
Family milestones and traditions take a hit with deployment, but again the children show a resiliency and reluctant acceptance of the real world.
“When I turned 10 years old he wasn’t at home and at first I was upset,” said Tucker. “But I think that what he’s doing is worth it because he’s helping the country.”
Julia said when she was in the first grade Mark brought home a t-shirt for her after a deployment, and “I wore it to school almost every day.” She also has a teddy bear, “Mas B. Simmons,” to remind her of her father. His initials are MAS, she added.
Both say Mark’s absences are keenly felt, but they try not to let affect their schoolwork. Besides, it’s not as if he’s out of touch.
“We can still talk through the Internet,” said Tucker. “I have to remember the difference in time and there’s only so much time you have to talk.”
Both children are musically inclined: Tucker plays tenor saxophone in the Perry High School marching band, and Julia plays flute in the school band at Perry Middle School. Tucker has also been playing guitar for about three years. His father gave him a Carlos Santana DVD as a parting gift this week, Joy said.
Tucker said at times he does feel different from other students at school because there aren’t that many who have parents in the military.
“I have a friend – her name is Julia too – and she kind of gets what I go through and comforts me when I’m sad,” said Julia.
But behind the feelings of separation there is a genuine sense of pride about Mark’s role, and the notion of carrying on themselves in the military does cross their minds.
“I’ve thought about joining the military,” said Tucker. “We took a survey in school about what college and courses we would take. Some questions were about the military and made me think about it.”
“Yes, I think about joining the military sometimes when I see ads of TV about the Army or Navy,” said Julia. “I have a neighbor, Crystal, who’s in ROTC. She says it’s a lot of fun and good for you, that you’ll feel stronger mentally and physically. It crosses my mind a lot.”
“When he goes on a mission, you don’t think anything bad is going to happen, and I know he’s a good soldier,” said Tucker. “He’s received the Air Force Commendation medal, and that shows me how much he loves the military and what he’s doing. I feel sad when he’s deployed but glad he’s with other troops. You have to realize that they’re protecting you and protecting America.”
Julia agreed.
“I kind of have the same feeling,” she said. “When I was little I used to get super sad, and I even wouldn’t get my shots unless he was home. It’s like he’s with me still, spiritually. I feel better when I get to talk to him. My friends know what I go through and they tell me, ‘Hey, it’s OK. Pray he’ll come home safely. Be happy and proud.’”
There’s no shortage of pride in the family about Mark’s duties, and it sometimes get tested around holidays.
Joy said she recalls one particular Thanksgiving, in 2001.
Mark was deployed and was trying to find a flight back for the holiday, she said, but was having trouble making the connections.
“We were planning for it but were jerked back and forth until the day before when he called and said he wasn’t able to get on a plane for the day,” she said. “I started to cry, but quickly told myself I wasn’t going to do that. It was right after 9/11, and I felt that’s what they (terrorists) wanted me to do, to cry. I told myself I wasn’t going to shed a tear. I told the kids that ‘We’re still going to Grandma’s. Thanksgiving still happens.’”
Maintaining a routine, a life-goes-on-as-usual attitude is crucial to keeping an even keel, she said.
“What feels better, caving in to fear or feeling proud about what he does, being supportive of his mission?” she said. “We give it to God and country, and that’s the message we want to convey.”
For her part, Joy said, it’s mainly a question of maintaining a sense of normalcy around the house.
“We need that day-to-day routine, have to keep doing that,” she said. “It’s about consistency because the world doesn’t stop. The kids have to see that you’re strong, whether he’s gone for just a week or whatever. You have to have faith, and that plays into that.”
Post a Comment